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Scottish Unionists must truly love the Union. How could they not? It’s been such a gift to Scotland, delivering countless “blessings” that have left their country thriving or so they like to believe. From economic exploitation to democratic disregard, the Union has brought so much to Scotland’s doorstep, and Unionists seem determined to cling to it, no matter how much it harms their own people.

Take the management of North Sea oil. Here was a resource that could have transformed Scotland’s economy, creating wealth and stability for generations. Norway took the opportunity to build a sovereign wealth fund now worth over a trillion dollars. Westminster, on the other hand, chose to squander the proceeds, privatizing the profits and leaving Scotland with nothing to show for its vast natural resources. Unionists must look at that and feel pride. After all, it’s not every day that you can watch your own country’s wealth flow south while being told it’s for the greater good.

It doesn’t stop with oil. Scotland, an energy-rich nation, pays the highest transmission charges in the UK. While England exports Scottish-generated energy to Europe and pockets the profits, Scots pay more for their electricity than anyone else in the country. Surely, Unionists must see this as a testament to their generosity, subsidizing their neighbours' energy bills while struggling to heat their own homes in winter.

And then there’s Brexit. Scotland overwhelmingly voted to remain in the European Union, but that vote was ignored. Now, industries like fishing and farming have been left reeling from the loss of access to EU markets, while small businesses grapple with endless red tape. Yet, Unionists seem to find joy in this chaos. Perhaps they believe that watching Scotland’s economy shrink under Brexit is a small price to pay for staying part of the glorious Union.

Westminster’s treatment of Scotland doesn’t just damage the economy—it harms people. Welfare policies like the bedroom tax and Universal Credit cuts have pushed thousands of Scots into poverty. Food bank use has soared, with families across the country struggling to make ends meet. Unionists must take comfort in knowing that these policies are “equal opportunities” suffering, affecting people across the UK. What a great show of solidarity.

The refusal to devolve drug policy is another example of Westminster’s caring approach. Scotland has the highest drug death rate in Europe, yet safe consumption rooms and harm reduction strategies are blocked at every turn. Lives are lost needlessly, but Unionists must shrug and accept this as the price of unity. After all, better to let people die than admit that Scotland could govern itself better.

Even the elderly aren’t spared the Union’s generosity. UK state pensions are among the lowest in Europe, leaving pensioners in Scotland to struggle on incomes that barely cover basic living costs. Unionists must beam with pride knowing their loyalty to Westminster means their grandparents and parents live in unnecessary hardship.

It’s not just about the policies, though; it’s about the system itself. Scotland has repeatedly voted against Tory governments, yet Westminster ensures Scotland is ruled by them anyway. The democratic deficit is glaring, but Unionists must see it as a quirk of the system rather than a fundamental injustice. After all, it’s important to maintain the illusion that Scotland’s voice matters, even when it’s ignored time and again.

Brexit is perhaps the most blatant example of Scotland’s democratic voice being dismissed. Scots voted to remain in the EU, but their wishes were overruled by England’s larger population. Now, Scotland is dragged along on a post-Brexit ride that it never wanted. Unionists must find comfort in this lack of agency, secure in the knowledge that decisions about their future are being made for them.

Culturally, the Union has been a beacon of support for Scotland—if you consider marginalization a form of support. The Scots language, once widely spoken, has been side lined and ridiculed for generations. Scotland’s history is often reduced to romanticized tales of kilts and clans, with little regard for its true depth and significance. Unionists must take pride in this erasure, seeing it as a necessary sacrifice for the greater British identity.

The media adds another layer to this story. The Scottish Government is constantly under attack from a UK media machine determined to undermine its achievements. Recent examples include the obsession with the ferries scandal, a legitimate issue but one blown out of proportion to distract from far more damaging Westminster failures. And let’s not forget the lies told about NHS Scotland, such as Jackie Baillie’s claims about waiting times, which pale in comparison to the crisis in NHS England. Unionists must love these stories—they help keep Scotland in its place.

Despite all of this, Scotland has achieved remarkable successes under devolution. Free tuition, free prescriptions, and a world-leading renewable energy program are just some of the ways the Scottish Government has improved lives. Unionists, of course, must downplay these achievements, preferring to focus on minor issues that distract from the bigger picture. After all, admitting that Scots can govern themselves competently might weaken their argument for staying in the Union.

The potential of an independent Scotland is undeniable. With control over its resources, Scotland could prioritize its own people instead of subsidizing Westminster’s priorities. Rejoicing the EU would open up access to a market of over 400 million people, revitalizing industries and restoring opportunities lost to Brexit. But Unionists must fear this vision, for it challenges the very foundation of their loyalty to the Union.

So, let’s celebrate the Union for all it’s done for Scotland. Let’s cheer for the economic exploitation, the social injustices, the democratic deficit, and the cultural suppression. Let’s applaud the Unionists who fight so hard to keep this arrangement intact, even as it holds their country back. Or perhaps, just perhaps, it’s time to ask: is this really something to love? Is this the best Scotland can hope for? Or is it time to choose a better path, one where Scotland’s future is in Scotland’s hands?